Archive for March, 2008

What I didnt Know

{ March 24, 2008 @ 10:15 pm } · { random days }
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when i went to sleep last nite (3:25 am) and when I woke up this morning (7:30 am) I felt an overwhelming urge to leave ra.

I felt that he and i had just disconnected somewhere and i just didnt want to associate with him anymore.

More so I thought abt who I can fuck when I get back to rock hill.

In nine hours everything has changed.

Every part of my body is crying coz I am leaving ra today. I am going back to school and I just dont want to go. I dont want to be separated from him – I dont want to go to bed alone and I dont want to face this world  by myself anymore. I need ra. I love ra.

Im bleeding inside and Im shocked at how much I love this man. I now know why I want to marry him and be with him all my life. I now know why I had chosen him to be the one. I now know how he just makes my day with his unbelievably childlike ways.

i love you boo.  I never wanna leave you.

why doesnt brenda answer her fone?

{ March 12, 2008 @ 5:05 pm } · { random days }
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small things make me happy…small things make me very upset..

brenda said today she will teach me parallel parking but  no sign of brenda yet..kept calling her but not go answer. dont  you hate it when someone says something and gives you hope and then bam!its just gone. so yeh i dont know what to do what to think..

why is life like this? what could b the underlying reason for her not answering the fone? busy – doesnt want to go – doesnt want to talk to me? then why did she lie? and why cant she say it to my face that look girl im busy leave me alone.

im so sick of all this.

cant help but wait…

{ March 5, 2008 @ 3:26 am } · { random days }
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After my last club experience of losing my TREO at the FORUM i didnt think i would approach the clubbing scene with such ease. Last couple of times xiao ting asked me if i wanted to go clubbing ive been like maybe next week – maybe later – so finally last nite me jr soo and xiao ting headed out to downtown CLT. our best bet was bar charlotte – although non of us r big fans of the place – everything else was shut down. not to mention – it was FREEZING and raining outside.

while soo me n xiao were waiting outside (shun went to get money frm the car coz we ended up payin to get in the forum first) this dude was standing by the stairs – he was decent – dunno felt this instant attraction (soo claimed he looked like ra). anyway so we headed on in – we all werent feelin the place so i decided i need to get a guy n start dancing. i went towards a crowd of black dudes and saw the guy i had seen outside and said ” hey u wanna dance wit me” so he said sure but not here – n he pulled me to the middle of the dance floor. aggressiveness huh….;)

he was a decent dancer too…

so the song changed and he was like hey i dont like the song lets get a drink..so he got me a drink and soo came along saying her feet hurt lets sit for a bit. so we sat at the bar and started talking. we talked for around 45 mins abt random shit…like futurama! i gave him my number and finished my drink and headed out to the dance floor…

missing my dream guy…

{ March 5, 2008 @ 3:25 am } · { random days }
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I walked out of history class today and dwayne was right there…perhaps to remind me how much i need that somebody next to me on rainy days..anyway so i was wearing a fotua and a chundri orna wit my chhira jean today…as i walked out the building i realized thr was a storm outside..and in abt 2 mins my jeans were drenched as were my chappals. so instead of walking towards work i just took off my shoes and started walking towards my house…needless to say i felt like screaming and singing..”barso re megha megha…” but no i kept quiet and talked on my cell phone to frantz.

by the time i reached rutledge i was basically drenched..soaking wet and without shoes i went into the rutledge gallery to check out the performing gender show…after that i walked to my house…i enjoyed the rain…i jumped in the puddles n splashed water  everywhere…it was great…what is it about rain that attracts me so much??

got home and changed…and headed back out again….and i realized something. im missing my dream guy – the artist+singer+ganjakhor+boi porua+duet singing+brishti te bheja soul mate of mine who doesnt exist.

how is it possible that thr is this void in my life of that somebody who never existed…whom ive never met?

I came back home after class and changed n laid down on my sofa and put on “breathing under water” and again i wanted to cuddle with that non-existent somebody…

khub pira dichhe amake bepar ta….ami ki ok khujey pabo?kokhono?

i was telling ra how different he is from my “Dream” guy….if i ever find the dream guy will i leave ra? whats going to happen??

i dont know.

for now im goin to listen to norah jones and sing…and wait for my duet singing non existent partner to sing his part.