N.I.S.H.I.K.O.N.N.A

…to Bangladesh and back…
Current mood: anxious

so ive been home for over a month now. dunno where all my time went i thot this summer is gonna b looooong as hell but no, it slipped through my fingers. i have about a month and a week left and ill b back in the US..all miserable once again. well at least i have something to look forward to in the US…medical check ups (well wudnt say im looking forward to it but im hoping its going to be a little positive)…looking forward to angadz crazyness.to spending some lone time wit jr and talkin my heart out and to see shandy and xiao ting and jordan and arnold and mayo and barbie and lindsey and big dave and matt…and of course finnally b in ra’s arms! peepz u wont blive it..i have forgotten how to kiss coz i havent kissed in so long. lol.

ok so lets talk abt home..everything is just abt the same xcept i have one floor to myself (4th floor mind u its like an oven up thr) and all the luxuries needed like fone tv computer cell fone dvds art supplies music camera etc. mom n dad live on the 3rd floor and guess what all our old maids left (but one) so now i dont have rupali and shonali (my two personal maids) anymore and i gotta iron my own clothes and wash my under garments myself..(DANG it sux) and there’s nobody running back and forth up and down the stairs and bringing me snacks n drinks every now and then so yeh it sorta sux. but anywho im loving each and every moment of everything. am reading all my old books and am working at unitrend (its an ad agency)

work is good at times and bad at times. thr r some ppl here i enjoy working with and talking and hangin out and thr r some who get on my freakin nerves. what amazes me is how immature most ppl r in dhk specially those arnd my age..its a shocker im tellin u. anywho wutz best abt work is having net access and thats the reason y blogging is still possible.

lets talk abt dhaka…my old dhaka city is still the same. beautiful. ive been taking some pics here and thr and very soon ill put em up on facebook. havent really gone arnd much this time coz work has been keeping me tied but the journey to n frm work is more or less enuff to keep me happy.

s is this unknown person who i absolutely have fallen in love with. i cant tell you all details but rohena has yet again found a soul mate. he is sooo my type.the way we think, the way we connected the first day we met its just amazing. i will talk abt him in details in anotha blog but yeh, s n rohena r definitely a hit pair.

well dats abt it for now. imma keep yall updated. for now boss is calling.sooooo adios.

…fretting over whats not mine…
Current mood: melancholy

have u ever thought about losing something dat belongs to you ever so dearly?

what ever it was…you loved it…you loved each and every moment..you cherished every second of it..you know you did..

yet it slipped from in between your fingers and you knew it..you saw it…and most of all you felt it…

and you tried and tried..with all your heart and might..

you cried and cried..

and at a point gave up…

coz it was too late…

u were already in love….

no wait you were tooo deeply in love….

only knowing one day you would…you just would HAVE to let it go

you fell in love knowing it will slip from in between your fingers…

you knew you would have to taste those tears one more goddamn time…

you thought you wouldnt try to stop it did u?

what were you thinking?

silly you…

silly me..

silly silly me.

happy/unhappy 21st
Current mood: scared

i realized something today..ive never been so alone.never have i ever been just by myself for days. ive always had people around me yet ive been a loner at heart and today when there is nobody arnd i feel like somebody is ripping parts of me apart.

today is my 21st birthday and guess what…i am completely by myself in my apartment. my bf had to leave this morning and that by itself is terrible in my opinion. im sooo used to seeing his face before falling asleep and waking up and seeing him first in the morning that when i dont, i go crazy. my friends, well i have very very very few friends – just a few people i bother keeping in touch with. to say the truth if it wasnt for angad and jr, i have no “friends” at winthrop. so yeh there’s nobody i can go to and confess that im scared to stay in my apartment just by myself can i please stay here for the nite?

sooo angad is 21 today as well. its “our” birthday and so he had to leave for greenville. jr is at his place he might come by later.i dont think he knows its my bday. and being the person i am, i sure wont tell him. in my opinion, birthdays shudnt be as important as they are today. but yeh something abt my birthday makes me really really sad.

i talked to my parents this morning and my dad told me to get a cake. i miss my home soo much today. even if there’s nobody home, even if its just me and the maids – home is home. and when theres my mom and dad and my bhaiya and my bhabi, its the perfect family.

and then there are my friends who always remember my birthday. there’s priti, no matter where in the world she is she always calls me on my birthday, there’s zubi, d, fahim, zahid n a couple o others who know it by heart and never forget to wish me. and there are those who remember my bday as the day after 16th dec (victory day) and wish me. and then there are real friends. LAMU for one. she never forgets!she just never forgets!

she always comes to visit me on my bday, brings whatever she can just makes me soo happy. and there’s iram, i miss her so much today coz during those years when there was nobody beside me on my bday - she was there. maybe i should mention tanisha here – last yr on this day we celebrated with alcohol and weed in bangladesh. today we dont even talk.

life….teaches us soo much.doesnt it?when i look back at myself over the past 21 yrs..i cant describe how much ive changed. from the happy go lucky rohena to a bitter apathetic rohena- from the extremely depressed anorexic rohena to the madly in love with ra rohena…

ra gave me the sweetest surprise last nite. i dont think anybody has ever tried to make me happy the way ra does. i cant thank Allah enough for giving me all that He has. He’s given me ra and i think that’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. when i think of the future it scares me so much. i can never hurt ra – if i do, i deserve the worst punishment possible.

soooooo with no ra, no angad, no jr, no lamu, no iram, no moo, no tanisha, no shafi, rupali, shonali, anjoli, bobita, no jhal muri and cha, no birthday cake, i think i shud go cry myself to sleep now.

its me rohena, officially 21 saying, peace out.