She is called Bangladesh.

A place where stray dogs are strangled to death and rabid cats lurk your kitchen. The place where slavery exists in full force where the female country head decides to make prostitution legal. A place where revenge can mean disfiguring a beautiful woman’s face with sulphuric acid or even raping and stabbing a 15 year old 20 times in her own bedroom while her billionaire tycoon father hosts a party on the mansion rooftop.

A country we paid for with the lives of at least 3000000 martyrs. And the chastity of 200000 mothers, sisters, wives, daughters, nieces. We lost hundreds of intellectuals yet forgave those who killed them. Hell, we even voted them to the parliament. A democratic nation that continues to believe every word that comes out of two idiotic women who know nothing about running a country, let alone giving development some thought.

If you were born in Bangladesh towards the end of 1971 or in 1972, you could be one of the thousands of war babies gained at the cost of freedom. As for the war criminals who might have aided in your mother’s rape, they walk free. This is a free land after all, innit?

Welcome to the world’s most densely populated nation. A man barely has enough space to stand and pee on the street sides anymore. Kids as young as two sniff glue to forget hunger, children are abused, tortured and even dismembered and forced to beg at traffic signals.

But me, I eat at pizza hut and swipe my AmEx card. I admire those billboards that adorn my ideas even when they sometimes fall off during monsoon thunderstorms onto huddled people with no place to go to. I watch Beautiful Bangladesh in awe.  But praise be to my own – while there are people still scrubbing their dingleberries with mud I’m here trying to sell some beauty soaps that will keep you extra fresh.

I used to drive from Rock Hill, SC to Charlotte, NC Exit 6 – to work every day. A 30 minute drive, max, no traffic, 70 miles per hour.  I go from one end of the city to the other (a city perhaps smaller than Rock Hill) and it takes me an hour minimum. That is if some CNG driver mercies my poor soul. All  in 100 degree weather, my straight hair curls in approximately 5 minutes. Allergy doses go higher and higher. Air becomes so heavy, I wonder how those people get any sleep, if any at all – as I cuddle with my teddy bear and goose feathered blanket blasting the air conditioner. 17 degrees, are you  fucking kidding me, I need the AC guys to come up with some cooler technology please.

Ex lovers release video clips of compromising situations and the whole nation indulges the ultimate display of shame. An engineer husband gouges out the eyes of a Fulbright scholar  university professor. Red usually means go, green usually means go. Yellow always means go. Traffic signals are overrated anyway. Just let him exercise some power on the poor and take whatever is at arm’s reach.

Young couples have sex at cyber cafe booths and dinky hotel rooms thanks to “values” practiced at home. The executive director of a shipbuilding company and a low income middle school dropout groove to the same beats on a thursday night at a 5 star dj party. Weed is cheaper than cigarettes, whores are cheaper than condoms. And there is no existence of a benefit of doubt.

You live in Bangladesh you can’t trust no one. That’s the first rule. People are vicious here. Nothing comes above me, myself and I. But this is the land where only the fittest can survive. And by fittest I mean the most cunning, lying, corrupt son of a bitch on the face of the planet.

At least whatever happens here happens out in the open. Open sex, open bribery, open money laundering, open loooted stock market, open election rigging. The media reports it all. And the nation just keeps watching.

That’s all we can do anyway. Back in the day there was braindrain and we used to complain about how everyone is fleeing responsibilities. Some of us came back didn’t we? What in the pope’s name am I achieving? Lord knows Im just a watcher.

At 11 am on a busy office day. I could have been in one of these buses that collided at the intersection of Motijheel. But wait, in my toyota corolla x, I don’t think I care.

So yes, welcome to the land of I don’t give a flying rat’s ass. Till i am sodomized to no end, sticks stones even acid cant break me. Let alone words.

Long live corruption. Long live Bangladesh.

He is an art professor. I was once his student. Years went by, no talk. One day he saw me pass by and decided to get to know me better. I opened up and let him in. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend/fiancée at the time.

After the first couple of hours I knew I was mentally drawn to him. He is an artist just like me. He loves to watch and analyze films, just like me. He can recognize and find pleasure in smaller things in life, just like me. Ironically, like Ray he makes music, plays musical instruments. I believed in signs and I saw plenty that made me sure that he is the one i am looking for. I had this old bond with Charlie Chaplin – my first love has given me a book of studies on Chaplin – another serious romantic interest had given me a biography of film makers, Chaplin being one of them. This one has a collection of Chaplin films. Seriously, how could I avoid this sign? His intelligence blew me away as did his humor. I was done. I decided I needed to pursue this man. By hook or crook, I needed him in my life.

We spent more and more time together. As much as I showed him, he must have known that I liked him. I knew he liked me, as much as he didn’t want to show it.

Days went by, my last semester in school. Him and I talked a lot more often, sent more texts.

I graduated and got busy trying to find a job. A lot of things happened and didn’t happen. In April I decided it was time I head back to Bangladesh. The job front wasnt looking good – the man I was pursuing seemed interested but didn’t really act on it.

I told him I was leaving. He didn’t want me to go. We started seeing each other everyday. The chemistry between us – the days of the rising tension of intensely wanting to hold this man but keeping my hands to myself. For that entire month I fought the desire to kiss this man, not knowing how he would react.

On the 24th of April we went out to lunch and then got some ice creams. He had some french movie he wanted to watch. I said ok. It turned out so extremely sexual we both got turned on. I was laying down on the couch – our bodies were touching. The sunlight behind us creating designs all over the room. In this dreamlike moment, he said ” would it ruin our friendship if I kiss you?”

I didnt say anything.

He kissed me…I tried to swallow a laugh.

He got embarrassed. I tried to tell him why I laughed. I was beyond happy at that moment. I couldn’t believe I was actually able to “get” this man.

So Dil Se has been one of my favorite movies for a really long time now. The exotic locations, extreme dance settings, emotional dialogues, excellent cinematography & direction. I watched it again with Seth the other day. The 7 stages of love are:

Attraction (HUB -eyes met, it is like a touch…a spark)

Infatuation (UNS -the touch of the eyes was as if, it was….)

Love  (ISHQ – the flame of her body is felt, his breath starts igniting…)

Reverence (AQUIDAT – she touches him like a whisper, as if silence is mixed in her eyes, he prays, a little consciously,a little unconsciously…..)

Worship (IBADAT – he is entangled on her path, entangled in her arms, love now turns to…)

Obsession (JUNOON – living is an obsession, dying is an obsession, apart from this, there is no peace…)

Death (MAUT – let him rest in the lap of death, let him drown his body in her soul)

- this post was last edited jan 28th 2010, a year and a half ago. I still lived in the US then. Seth and I were together and I had no idea yet in a couple of months every fucking thing would change. It all started when I had to move to Bangladesh – the world’s most corrupt country.

CC: You my dear, should never be that desperate and will never be in that situation. You dont need to do that to get a job.CJ just wants some pussy

ME: you think so? but why me?

CC: Coz u have that exotic thing going..when i went thru your dvd i was like damn she kinda cute and then i had to back track and focus on like damn where’s her videography shit..

He did say that he likes me because I am like an open book – totally direct. CC is real cool – I REALLY like him.

Sarim has been ill for a bit. He had a seizure and to go to the emergency room – it was one of the most dramatic things to happen in my life. For a moment there I was totally unprepared – I have never ever even thought about Sarim not being alive – I dont know how I will ever deal with it…he’s my lil boo…he now clearly calls me pishi and recognizes my pics and says pishi…im going to stay with him this weekend.

supposed to call mario once i get back in town. he did give me that feeling today i wont even lie – the kuch khaas hain feeling – the there’s something special – something very close – some new feelings kind.

i should go to bed now. toodles.

today i brought my laptop with me so that i can do chemistyr homework in boring chemistry class…obishashho bepar hochhe laptop thaka shottteo i was soo freaking bored. ghum chole ashche. atoi boring ei class.

btw my chem test was pretty horrible. ra k bolle ja chillabey.

have so much homework to do this weekend. man. busy bee ami.

jai ga. laptop e charge shesh. next din im going to sit next to an outlet so my charger is plugged in.

About

- female circumcision

- breast flattening (1 in 4 women in Cameroon have had this done to them..ouch)

- Chinese feet binding

- corsets

etc.

all in the name of beauty. GROSS. what a fucking sexist society – what do men do for us..?? NOTHING.

While the issues I will talk about in this email might seem petty and simple, I am extremely irritated by the recent happenings regarding my parking situation and thought it’s best that I let them be known to you. I will sincerely appreciate your patience as this email is somewhat lengthy.

I am an international student who moved to Roddey on August 1st. At that time, I went to campus police to find out if I needed a parking sticker and was told no, and was given a temporary parking permit until stickers would be issued.
The first day that stickers were being issued, I went by again to campus police to get my sticker. I was told “Go to wingspan and do it if you are a student.”

I went to wingspan and upon completing the parking sticker request, I discovered that I had no option in selecting what kind of sticker I needed. It said that I was given a Resident sticker and that it would be available to me during move in weekend. I went to campus police immediately after and told them this is what the message said on wingspan and that I did NOT want a resident sticker instead would want to opt for a Commuter since I had the option. I was told an individual called “Rebecca” (I might be getting the name wrong) deals with those issues so call her. I was also told that if you live on campus – you HAVE to get a resident sticker – there is no option.

I tried calling “Rebecca” several times but got no answer. Either the call went directly to voicemail or there was no answer.

So I decided to give the Resident sticker a try. Needless to say, since move in weekend – there has been no spots available to park in the resident slots around Roddey, the commuter lot on Stewart Avenue or Johnson. I have been parking off campus and walking to Roddey which is okay – but why pay $75 for something that I cannot even use?

Things were already going badly with the parking situation when yesterday upon a visit to the West Center, I decided to park in a visitor spot in front of the West Center as I had been doing all summer. I did not know that if we have a resident sticker on the car we cannot park in the Visitor Spots. Now I have no idea about where I am supposed to park when I visit the West Center.

So yesterday I was given a ticket for parking on the visitor spot and I must let it be known here that YES, I do understand that it was my mistake. While I did not know we cannot park in the visitor spots, I do deserve the ticket for parking in the wrong spot. BUT if I had been given a commuter sticker as I have been wanting to get since the very first day, I would not have parked in a visitor spot, would not have been having the parking problems I have been having and would not have ended up with a ticket.

Today I went by campus police again to find out if I could swap my resident sticker for a commuter sticker and found out that it was in fact possible and that I would have to pay an extra $5 to do so. Now, why was I told the first day I could not get a commuter sticker? I did mention I lived in Roddey – but the receptionist blatantly told me I HAD to get a resident sticker. Now I’m having to pay an extra $5 for something I did not even want.

Chief, while the money I am having to pay is important, it is not the most important issue here. What is important is all those wasted trips to campus police that served no purpose whatsoever. If you want students to get their parking permits on wingspan, make sure the website is capable of enabling residents of Roddey to choose a Commuter sticker. If the campus police staff are here to help students, they should know EVERYTHING about parking permits and what residence halls allow what stickers and should not mislead students with wrong information.

While getting my first parking ticket on campus is annoying me to no end, what is annoying me even more is no one cared enough to hear what I was saying since the very first day. My three,four or five trips to campus police were not enjoyable and I dread the thought of ever having to go back.

Thank You,
-Rohena.

a lot has been happening i guess since i moved into roddey. been settling down and dekhte dekhte 20ta din ketey gelo! no more showers with the door wide open or naked ghuraghuri within the apt..:(

soo moved some of her stuff today – tomorrow she will officially move in. ughh. i liked being on my own. akhon ei shali ta re shojhho hochhe na.

life has been interesting the past two weeks…:) find myself giggling more often…thats always good. ive been volunteering for the int. orientation – thr were 200 new int. students majority frm saudi arabia. amongst those i met- i remember only a handful – christina frm austria, ahmed frm saudi arabia, preetam and yashwant frm india, hana frm pakistan, saba frm jordan, feifei frm china, son frm vietnam and steffen frm germany.

last friday (15th aug 08) seth and i finally recorded lal. sheidin theke shobkichui asholey ektu bodle geche. ami or oikhane gelam 9 tar dike record korte – 10:30 tay shesh holo recording. tarpor o ar ami golpo korlam bhor 4:30 ta porjonto. ektu strange na bepar ta? ami thik bujhte parchilam na eita ki o amar proti akorshon naki artist dig artist type kichu? jada’r motey prem – ami thik jani na. amra gaan shunchilam ami or keyboard harmonica etc bajachhilam. besh mojai lagchilo. i remember telling him that i survived the accident and shaon er kotha bolte o amake or x gf joanna’r chobi dekhalo….o khub concern dekhay amar onek bepar e.

tarpor kichudin tamon dekha holo na.

i worked at the sbrl that weekend – voluntarily. ughhh thanks to lane lovegrove. it was horrific. r korbo na. kaan dhorsi.

tar aager monday te i had to go to charlotte to pick up my passport frm the post office and nearly caused a 6 vehicle head on collision…:S i was rushing and didnt notice the cars in front of me suddenly stopped. to avoid hitting them i drove into oncoming traffic and zigzagged between the two lanes. god knows how i came out of it without a single scratch – allah’r oshim doya r kichhu na.

anywho my new passport photo is horrible. i look like a total cholo.

monday’r accident er por amar mone holo i need to take care of a few things. especially shaon. i went to the australian white pages to find mynul chowdhuri – couldnt find him. searched for him on facebook and found out he’s married. i kinda broke down. kanna kano ashe jani na! i dont care if he is married or not – he is a total asshole – tobuo i cried. anyway i sent him a msg saying i need to talk to him to call me. he actually replied saying ok. i also told him to gimme him number coz i hv no prob calling him.

arekdike ami jada k onek bollam amar r isaiah’r bepar ta thik kore dite but she was like hell naw. i wont b an accomplice and what not. jai hok – amar tokhon mone ashlo that his number must b in my call logs so i found it and texted him saying i wanna c him. and fortunately he replied saying ok when.

so anyway seth er shathe majhemodhhe thik e kotha hoy – thru sms or fb. tuesday te after orientation ami or oikhane giyechillam kintu o chila na. fone korar por kotha holo. o bollo o gym e jabe tai amio gelam. ami jokhon treadmill e dourachhilam tokhon chokher koney dekhlam o jachhe hetey. soo nichey kaj korchilo tai ami nije giye or shathe addabaji korchilam – seth eshe amake jigesh korlo ami chokhe kajol diyechi ki gym e ashar jonno- soo to shune bollo j dekhso koto notice kore!!!o aro bollo amar shonge kotha bolar shomoy naki atmosphere tai pura change hoye jay.

i also met one of soo’s friends frm england named andreas. o amar gym buddy hobe. o khub bolywood er fan – mahi ve neche dekhalo. lol. PURA G.

tuesday te isaiah said he was gonna comeover but r ashlo na. wednesday morning bollo cholo dinner e jai.

wednesday te seth er shathe abar dekha holo. ami hotath e gelam ok kichu na boley. britney naamer akta meye chilo or office e . miss mueller er shatheo dekha holo. i love her so much. anywho kalke ami or oikhane chilam raat 9:30 ta porjonto. amra akhon onek personal bepar e kotha boli. kalke o jaowar shomoy bollo kalke dekha hobe…:)

tarpor bashay firey or shathe online kotha o holo. jada ashlo laundry korte amra dujon khub moja korlam. jr o ashlo. shobai mil e modh khelam r golpo korlam. it was great.

jr jaowar por ami r jada toyo te gelam. we saw this woman hogging a seat at the bar and noticed her man hands. lo and behold it was dan!!!! his hair is as long as mine its crazy. whats even more crazy is o amake bolchilo how he misses me and amar chul dhore bollo forgot what ur hair feels like dhorey bollo now i remember..things were so sweet at one time na?

anywho – taal hoye ghor e firlam. ajke khub tired lagchilo. int. center e tamon kichu korar chilo na but facilities e i had to load/unload the pallets of bath tissue n what not. ughh it was horrible. carol to khub impressed bollo- add it to ur resume that u know how to handle a forklift. lol.

anywho bashay firar por seth k jigesh korlam o ki office e? o bollo na – tarpor bollo sharadin o ki koreche. mojar bepar hochhe o akhon amake onek personal jinish bole.

ami ki shotti or preme porechi naki shikhhok dekhe oi excitement ta chase korchi? thik jani na.

all i kno is jokhon o pencil ta uthay aka shuru kore dey i loose my mind. ato sexy kano?

oh btw – isaiah’r shathe shob shesh. kalke thr was NO chemistry. jada bolchilo its coz he was high and i wasnt but jani na thik. i think ami seth zone e chilam – thik isaiahr mood e chilam na.

anywho so thats basically it. ajke expect korchilam seth er shathe dekha hobe but holo na. who knows…kalke hoyto?

BPD

and

The Dark Knight.